Marriage is always a journey. It has its shares of ups and downs. But, what if you are living mostly on down moments? What we mean is marital affairs are big issues, yes, but, what if you are facing an addiction problem? To be blunt, are you living with an alcoholic? It is hard enough to know that your friends are alcoholic, but, living and loving that person 24/7 of your life may seem a lifetime struggle. The house can have its time of chaos whether your partner drinks occasionally, but, excessively or drinking every day of their lives. And in this situation even a dominant personality would find a day or a moment of weakness. Does this mean you have to be a doormat and just take it naturally? Of course not, but, you must understand that if you struggle, your spouse and the rest of the household also struggles in coping especially if you have children.
Take it from me, not because you are living with an alcoholic spouse, the approach is the same as with the others. Remember each person has their unique personality and reasons for being an alcoholic. And you make your own adjustments and attitudes in dealing with the problem. First of all, acknowledge to yourself that there is a problem. And let your spouse slowly realize that problem. Do not just watch him/her everyday wasting their lives in alcohol. Speak your mind about it, lay down all the pros and cons and what you think you should do about it. Nonetheless, do not push what you want to help your spouse with the problem. Since, the more you do the more your partner will not admit to having a problem.
At the same time, do not let your children out in the dark. Talk to them in a child-adult manner. You might be surprised that children grow up from the things that surround them. However, “reel” life situations are different from real situations. Hence, as a wife or husband you are the one who can give an honest judgment of the situation and you know how to approach the problem. But, if you have some doubts do not be ashamed to ask for help from friends and experts.
You need all the support that you can get. And just like in the movie “When a Man Loves a Woman,” do not always be there or on call for your partner. Do not make them a clingy person. Do not bail them out of their responsibility or makes excuses for their bad behavior. Because if you do, the more they may turn to alcohol because they would feel that they are not needed. If sometimes you feel you are on the brim of lashing out or pick a fight with your partner, don’t. It will only serve no purpose. What you must do is go out, take a walk and talk to someone close to you.
Since, it is also unhealthy if you keep things boiled down inside you. The best thing to do is to control on your approach to your spouse's drinking. Similarly, do not forget to take care of your well-being and focus on your children. They need the most attention, too. Just remember, living with an alcoholic is quite difficult. Sometimes you need to get help and consider your options. You cannot change or solve alcohol problems of your spouse that easy, but, you can make your own adjustments by taking care of yourself and the people who loves you. Read also this useful article. We were talking about fixing relationship here and here.
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If You Loved Me, You’d Stop! What You Really Need to Know When Your Loved One Drinks Too Much
This is one tough topic. Hardly anything is more damaging to a family than having to cope with a spouse who is living in addiction – especially in it’s latter stages. And if children are involved it’s even worse.
I don’t believe things can get better until there is a willingness on the part of the spouse whose trying to hold things together to confront the alcoholic and allow consequences if things don’t change. I also believe if it’s a true addiction then outside help will be needed.
This is a good post you made. I especially like your counsel for the responsible party to take care of him or herself too, and make sure they’re also getting help and support from the outside. Someone they know and trust.